On reflection, i believe it was a good idea to focus on my action/participatory-research for the colloquium last week. I think it was the best way to portray the nub of my enquiry and to give a taste of how i have been going about my work. This i believe to have been cathartic following a period of negativity towards my work.
Since presenting to the group and gaining the feedback about how to “improve” my piece, and therefore to better communicate my research, I have felt, and still feel, completely detached from the film. I have found it incredibly difficult to engage with it, or even watch it, let alone set about any changes or amendments. Yet that is what I have forced myself to do. I have now produced several new versions, all guided by the groups comments and have possibly arrived at a final piece. Unfortunately one that I dont feel in any way linked. I would very much like this all to be over as I am being stifled by feelings of disillusion and, ironically, intimidation. This is why I am glad i was able to present at the colloquium in the way that i did.
i do feel a responsibility to climb back up to the confident position I was in before this month, but at this late stage, i think it too late and somewhat impossible. I have an anger towards those in the position to judge, as i believe that position is being abused or at least wrongly interpreted. I am at risk of using this blog as a soap box to slag people off so I shall endeavour to keep that aspect out….
